So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
