just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
