I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize