I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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