I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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