So drunk its hurt
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
