Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
