and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
