She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
