you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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