I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
