Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm at about main and main street
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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