the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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