you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
