the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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