I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
