My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
