I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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