my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
