3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
