Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
