my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
