I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
