so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
