The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
