so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
