he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
