she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
