We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
