So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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