You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
