u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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