You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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