I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
