Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
