I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
