Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
