Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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