It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
