the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
