after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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