So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize