Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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