I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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