TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
