Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
