It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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