you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
