Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
