Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
