you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
