she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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