High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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