We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
