I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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