then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
