I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize