You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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