How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
