I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
