i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
