fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
