I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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