Soap is not a condiment
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
