I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
