K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
