awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
