the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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