new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
