My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
