i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
