Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
