No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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