Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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