Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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