good thing vaginas are great cup holders
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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