i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
