apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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