Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
