you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize