If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
