Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
not ubering you a puppy
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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