he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just invented taco cereal.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
