I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
