She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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