the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize