dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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