And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Houston, we have a blender
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
