Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
