somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
