she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
