So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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