I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
