My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize