You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
