i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
