Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
