thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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