Michael Bay diarrhea
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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