Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
