let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
