eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize