she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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