I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
