I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
