my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
