Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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