My room smells like vodka and shame
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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