That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
