Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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