meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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