i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
