then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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