Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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