i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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