I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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